Age doesn’t always match development 

Birthdays are to be celebrated, right? Audrey’s third birthday is quickly approaching which has me feeling lots of things. Most moms I know get teary eyed over their child becoming more independent and turning another year older. I get teary eyed for a very different reason. I dread that day I can no longer say “she is two” when the stranger in the store asks (as they always do). Two leaves less questions, two still seems like a reasonable age to not be talking a ton or not having shoes on at the grocery store. But three, three is a whole new world. This age is the first year, in my opinion, that strangers will really know Audrey is different. Kids will notice she isn’t walking or talking. Parents will give me a smile but then quickly look away because they will know it’s not by choice that I am carrying her onto the playground. 

A few weekends ago at a child’s birthday party, my husband watched as a two year old climbed up onto the chair to eat a slice of cake… he said to me “wow did she just do that by herself?” I answered, “yep.”

We often forget what typical children are able to do since we live in this non-typical bubble most days. But I see it. I see the children climbing and running, playing with their friends. I hear the moms talk about the struggle of potty training days and private preschools as they sip their coffee and watch their kids from a distance. My husband and I don’t get to do that though. We have to make sure Audrey isn’t putting toys in her mouth or helping her stand at a table to play. We have to be there to make sure she gets the experience and bring the foods she can eat, or leave early so we can feed her at home. My child is generally happy and enjoys most things in life and for that I’m extremely grateful. But what I would give for her to go off and play with other kids or get to explore life on her own. 

I will forever celebrate the birth of my daughter. She deserves to celebrate and so do we. Dealing with her actual age versus her developmental age is something I think will always get to me. I cherish each and every milestone Audrey has met and feel so proud of the work she puts in each day to get stronger. Some days though, I am not the strong advocate I want to be. Some days are harder then others. Some days I just wish my kid could eat that damn birthday cake… 

Author: Rachel Alves

Hi there! I am a special needs mom to a beautiful, sweet girl. Audrey has a mutation on her CASK Gene. This is a rare genetic disorder that effects her globally. It has caused a seizure disorder as well as gross motor, fine motor and speech delays. A Microcephaly diagnosis comes along with it as well. Our last 8 years have been filled with therapy, learning about our daughter's disorder and also learning to cope while finding joy. Thank you for taking the time to read about our journey. For more information on the CASK Gene, please visit my Instagram @alvesmomkickingCASK. View all posts by Rachel Alves